In life, we can either let our experiences make us bitter, or we can channel that feeling towards being a good example in order to improve things.


Monday, November 13, 2006

Oy horrible

I was watching the show Nanny 911 where a nanny comes to help a family with their kids. At first they show you what the problem is and then they try to fix it. The problem with this family was that there was too much yelling from the parents. Plus, the dad didn't help enough and so the mom was really stressed out. What bothered me the most was that the parents didn't listen to the kids, they only screamed of spoke harshly to them. No wonder they couldn't control them. You can't control kids when you're caotic yourself. The mom had an excuse, she works and then has to take care of the kids when she comes home and didn't get help from him. Where as the dad, he plays with the kids which is nice, but afterwards didn't want to listen to them anymore. Not even at the dinner table.

I think the dad should help out more and the parents should listen to their children more when the children are saying something. - As for getting the children to do what they need to do, the nanny suggested a reward system as an incentive, like when cleaning up the toys. The parents though I feel, should remember to not scream but speak calmy to their kids when they want them to do something.

Another thing that bothered me was that the parents had no idea how to resolve their children's conflicts. The way to help children with this is to listen to why they're upset and then get them to talk to each other and work it out.

And last but not least, the mom took things too personally. For example, her son was very upset and he told her that he hates her. I think, in her case, instead of having an ego, she should have understood that he's upset and was just saying stuff. I know words hurt, but we have to understand why the person is saying it instead of getting all upset.

I didn't see the end, but I hope that nanny fixed things up.


FrumWithQuestions said...

Interesting. I have never heard of that show but it sounds like an everyday American household to me. The only thing you said which I did not get was the thing about the father not listening to his children. Was he ignoring them? You still haven't visited my blog in a while.

Lvnsm27 said...

Worse than ignore, he didn't want them to talk to him.

I did visit, at the end of oct. though. I'll visit again

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I would love to watch reality shows like this show but I don't have a tv. I miss tv for shows like this. I agree with all of your points.

Anonymous said...

You know why the nanny has such a good job?(besides for the prohibitive cost of her!)Because, it is SO much easier to find fault in other peoples families and marriages and to pinpoint it. I was thinking that I would love that job. I saw it on TV. She gets paid a LOAD and all she has to do is tell everyone what they are doing wrong (okay thats not ALL...but you get the idea)

Lvnsm27 said...

Social, must be hard, but you're better off not having one :)

KM, yeah that's a good point. but at least she's helping them.

chaverah said...

social worker - its overrated.

Lvnsm27 - I dont like that show. It gives me a headache! Also to point out its much easier to dicipline other people's children then for a mother to her own child.

Lvnsm27 said...

Don't like those kind of shows either.
I agree that it probably is easier for the nanny to discipline other children than her own.
This case was really bad. A little screaming from the parents is okay but not allll the time. They can accomplish the same thing and more effectively by telling them calmly yet firmly to do something, and give them an incentive so they'll do it.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Sounds like a family structure that all to many of us know, or have experienced.

Lack of communication is indeed worse than ignoring.

beautiful-stranger said...

the dysfunction in that home sounds all to familiar to all of us.
I always thought taking pre wedding parenting classes should be considered as crucial as taking the well known kallah classes.

Theyre taught on how to be the best wifes in the world, but get married not having a clue on how to raise kids and end up having dysfunctional neglected homes

Lvnsm27 said...

Barbara, yea unfortunately

Beautiful, I also feel that we should all take parenting classes. It would deffinatly help many families

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Just would be nice to watch certain shows. Why is it overrated chaverah?

Pragmatician said...

In these shows the nanny always fixes whatever the problem may be.
It's completely irrealistic and besides if you watch several episodes you'll notice that there's a pattern.
There's nothing real about this show, although it does give some good advice in general.

Lvnsm27 said...

Good points Prag, I agree.

Sara with NO H said...

I think what happens the most with parents is that they forget what it was like to be a kid. I hope when I'm a paretn I can remember just like I do now what it was like to be in their position.

Moiy-rah said...

thats sad.

i generally dont agree with incentive charts or prizes, because the change in behavior is not comming out of will, rather, its motivated by a prize.

when i want to change a childs behavior i try to change the environment that is causing the negative behavior, and if that is not possible i use positive re-enforcement. assuming a child is in the realm of normal, tell them of ur expectations of them, and they will live up to it.

as for the parents- they have to get out more.

wow! thats a long post by moiy if i ever saw one, and all typed with one hand. go right hand!


Lvnsm27 said...

Sara, deffinately

Moiy, excellent points. Positive reinforcement like acknowledment and encouragement gives them an internal reward where as prizes gives them an external one. I think in some cases though, parents might have to start with a reward system first and then discontinue it later. But in other cases, they should just use positive reinforcement.

I also agree that changing the environment should be taken into consideration to help the children. And they should find out what needs to be changed and do it.

David_on_the_Lake said...

How true...How true...
Parents must sometimes take a time out themselves..before stepping tinto a tense situation with kids

muse said...

I heard about the show but have never seen it.
someone told me that they once went into the house (on the show) and the nannies were stumped, because there were tons of kids so well- organized and couldn't do it better.

Lvnsm27 said...

lol :)