In life, we can either let our experiences make us bitter, or we can channel that feeling towards being a good example in order to improve things.



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Monday, January 09, 2006

Dwelling

In summer '97 to spring '98, I was in a minor depressed state. What happened was, I somehow forgot how to be happy. Which is weird because nothing was going on to make me feel that way. I just did. And so I first tried to generate a feeling that feels good, and then see if I can hold on to it. The problem was, I kept thinking about it throughout the day to the point where it didn't feel good anymore and instead became annoying. And so I had to come up with another feel good feeling. And then I dwelled on that one too, and it became annoying also. Finally, after some time, I decided that I should stop concentrating so much on how I feel and just feel whatever and move on. And the result was that I slowly started to feel better. I wasn't dwelling as much as before but left it alone instead and went about my day. I didn't ignore how I felt though, I just didn't beat it to the ground to the point where I dug myself back into the hole like I use to. Of course the story doesn't end there, and there were times when some situation or another happened and made me feel down. But later just I got back up, Baruch Hashem.

I see a different form of this dwelling happening to other individuals as well. Sometimes someone finds something that s/he doesn't like and then keeps concentrating on it so much that s/he becomes really annoyed. -- I think that if something is bothering us, we should personally talk to someone like a friend who can help us examine what it is that's bothering us and then help us get past it. Once that's settled, we can be less negative and be more positive.

14 comments:

A Frum Idealist said...

it's always better to get things out rather than bottle them up. If you bottle it up when it finally does explode it's that much worse.
Glad to hear that you are in a better state now.

FrumGirl said...

Not sure about what you mean exactly... the concept of dwelling on the negative I get... but what do you mean about concentrating on a "feel-good" feeling? I find that when I am down I just need to zone out a little, appreciate the fact that I am going through this and then let life take me where it will. Eventually the funk lifts.

Lvnsm27 said...

Afi, thanks

Fg, here's an example of what I mean. There's a very nice painting and instead of just looking at it, someone takes a tool and starts chipping it and keeps chipping it. -- That's what I was doing.
When I felt good after feeling sad, instead of just enjoying the good feeling I felt, I was thinking about it too much, instead of just letting it flow as I go about my day. And it became annoying like if someone were to eat fries every day until they don't like it anymore. And so a little while later, I decided to just let it flow so it will stay enjoyable.

FrumGirl said...

I do that too. Except for me it isnt really chipping away at it. It is more like consuming it until I feel good as well. Also, I am totally the type who will get into enjoying something over and over for a bit and then not at all like... for example eating chocolate ice cream for two months in a row then get sick of it and not need it until three years later.

Elisheva said...

Hi, great blog! I keep finding more and more nice ones.

Two things: I love the way you put it as "forgot to be happy." That is like such an insight.

And there is totally nothing as good for when you're feeling down as to speak about it with a friend.

Shalom

Eshet Chayil said...

I actually can totally relate to this post. 2006 is the year bumming me though.

Pragmatician said...

I'm a real bottler(if that's a word) and at times the cap just pops open and I start screaming and letting it out, luckily it's usually when I'm alone but when someone is present, I always whish I had talked to somebody before it got that far.

Lvnsm27 said...

Elisheva, thanks

Ec, I hope you feel better soon

Prag,I hear you. It happens to a lot of us.

FrumSingleGuy said...

I posted again and would love to hear your thoughts...

Lvnsm27 said...

k

Frum Singles said...

Here's something that has worked for me in the past. When I was in a depressed mood, hashem presented me with the opportunitys to do chesed to someone else. As with the rules of physics, action causes reaction. To wit, the chesed generated positive energy that was channeled back to me, turning my mod around.

Im not lecturing, I am telling you what actually happened to me. Let me know your experience.

Lvnsm27 said...

thanks for sharing.

I agree about chesed generating positive energy.
Reminds me of when I was working in a day camp for special needs kids. I enjoyed it a lot.

wandering said...

It's like the old saying "fake it till you make it" Act like your happy, think like ur happy and you'll start truly being happy. dwelling, analyzing and assessing just sinks u deeper and deeper back where u came from.

Lvnsm27 said...

Yep