In life, we can either let our experiences make us bitter, or we can channel that feeling towards being a good example in order to improve things.



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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

communication

A few weeks ago, I went to a shabbos kallah. While sitting around, we took turns giving the kallah a blessing and some advice. Something that really stuck out for me is what a certain lady said about not taking things personally.

Recently, I was talking to someone, and we came to the topic of different wines. I mentioned a few I know, and they said that they had no idea what I was talking about. I felt offended because it sounded like they were saying that they didn't know what I was saying. And so I told them, and they said that they knew what I was saying, they just don't know that brand of wine. And so I told them that they should have just said that, so it would be more clear. And they said that there's more than one way to say things. Then I decided that I should probably not take it personally. They didn't mean it the way it sounded. I guess I just didn't like the tone.

6 comments:

The Dreamer said...

you know how mny times people felt offended because of something they misunderstood? i know my words have been misunderstood many a time. and it doesn't always matter how clear you were - sometimes, (actually, often) the person's mood is what causes the wrong assumption.

halfshared said...

If being are being misunderstood irl, how much more so in the email, text, IM age? There are so many things said that when you can't hear the tone of voice sounds mean, dull, unemotional that if you HEARD it, would sound so different. That is exactly why I stop texting besides like the real innocent ones because it was causing too many problems.

BEHIND A SMILE said...

Had that too. Why can't people just say what they mean and not leave me second guessing!

LakewoodShmuck said...

well said.

being married requires you to always look with a good eye and ASSUME your better half meant well.

besides being a little blind and deaf help too.

Bas~Melech said...

Happens all the time. By nature people are self-centered; we view things as they relate to us when more often than not they have nothing to do with us.

Knowing that should make one think twice about how to word things. Though it's just about impossible to avoid being misunderstood if your receiver is particularly touchy!

Lvnsm27 said...

Dreamer, yes and no. Yes my mood made me very sensitive. But still, I would have been happier if he would have said that he doesn't know that brand, instead of he has no idea what I'm saying.

Halfshared, very true that if it's hard in real life, it's much harder on the internet. Good thing we have emoticons :)

BAS, Amen

LS, that's true, I know in my heart that he meant well and that's the way I should view it.

BM, true, because of his tone, I thought he was critizing me, but he really wasn't, and so I shouldn't take it personally.

It's not impossible with me though. I would really appreciate it if he would think about how to word things so he sounds more respectful. And I should do my part too and view things in a positive way.