In life, we can either let our experiences make us bitter, or we can channel that feeling towards being a good example in order to improve things.



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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Different approaches

Which approach do you take when having a discussion and giving someone information about something? Do you take the straightforward approach and tell them straight out the information even if they don't agree and it's hard for them to hear certain things? Or do you try to be gentle when telling them the information?
Me personally, I do the second approach. For one thing, I'm the type that worries about upsetting people. And so when I give information about something, I try to do it in a gentle way so they focus on the message and not on being angry. However, I believe that being honest with people is better than being politically correct. And so I give them the facts but in a nice way. I'm into finding the middle ground, sticking with the facts while delivering it softly.

Of course, some topics I stay away from if I feel that the person totally won't understand. However, if I feel they're open enough, I'll discuss it with them.
I know I shouldn't care what people think, and if it's something important, I should tell them. But I do care, and so I don't mention it. However, I might if I gather a lot of info to support me.

So what approach do you do?

16 comments:

The Dreamer said...

usually, i'm the first. :)
but i usually try to be nice about it, too. and with the people i think i need to be gentle with, i am.

oh, and i'm very gentle with myself. lol.

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I think I am the first and like dreamer do it nicely. Never thought about that interesting.

Scraps said...

I'm totally the same way as you. I generally try to soften the blow, or smooth things over. I don't like upsetting people either; I hate when I'm in situations where I have to be the "bad guy". G-d help me when I'm a parent...

FrumWithQuestions said...

I also try and find a middle ground to do things softly but sometimes i am in the mood to tell the facts the way things are even though i know people wont listen. For the fun of it if i am in a crowd of left wing liberals i will mention how great Bush is just to get them started to see what they will say and then give them facts that they cannot answer. You have to know your crowd and know how different people will react to what you say.

VS said...

As much as I hate to say it I'm in the first but to be positive am aiming for the second. But a lot will depend on the situation, if it needs action now I'll say it now, if it is more complicated and I need to think it through I'll try to sandwich it in between some good or tell the person privately. It is also dependent on the person. And about being talked about well they are going to do so whatever I say so I might as well say what I want. But one good thing, I'm not double faced and people know where they stand with me.

Lvnsm27 said...

Dreamer, lol

Social, it is interesting

Scraps, I know how you feel

Fwq, that's hillarious lol. Very true we have to know the crowd. I know with some people, I can tell them anything, and with others, I have to be careful.

VS, it deffinately depends on the situation and the person.

David_on_the_Lake said...

I'm so like that.
I am extrememly sensitive to others feelings to a fault..
I have a hard time rebuking anyone..

nuch a chosid said...

very strongly the 2'nd, and i get annoyed by the first, i think it's non-caring...

jewmaican20 said...

I find it really has to do with whom I'm speaking to.
The two authority figures in my life aside from my folks? I can be myself, straightforward, bo games, etc.
My parents? I have to choose my words carefully.
With friends? It depends on their personalities, and the nature of our relationship...

Lvnsm27 said...

David - for me some are difficult to rebuke and some are not.

Nuch - in my opinion, with the 2nd, people are more willing to listen

Jewmaican, that's interesting. I find that with my parents I can be straightforward about my views like with my mom, even if she disagrees, she won't attack like some people would.
With friends, it depends who I'm talking to though.

jewmaican20 said...

Well, let's just say that my parents and I have a very interesting relationship...

The Dreamer said...

jewmaican - you sound like me.

Bas~Melech said...

imho, there is no point in giving information if it will not be received. Communication needs both giving and receiving. Therefore, it pays to seriously evaluate how to get your message across so that it will be received. This is not often accomplished by directly telling people what they don't want to hear (sometimes someone needs a real harsh wake-up call, though).

In short, I try towards the second approach. It doesn't have to do with how they react to me, but how they will receive the message.

Lvnsm27 said...

BM excellent point. And that's my point, if they won't listen, then I won't bother. And if they are willing to listen then I'll tell them in a way in which they are willing to consider it

FrumWithQuestions said...

I want to add to this post that i was taking the bus this week with a friend who is making Aliyah this year and argued with him for the fun of it that is not a mitzvah to live in Israel since the beis hamikdash is no longer standing.

Lvnsm27 said...

Oy lol, that's probably the kind of discussion I wouldn't have unless they're willing to listen and I have a lot of info with me. :)
In regards to what you said though I would explain that from what I read, it's okay to reside individually, just not as a state until mashiach comes. And there's No obligation to go live there. But whether they get a mitzvah for doing so is disputed. It's good for tzadikim b/c their good deeds are amplified, but it's not good for reshayim b/c their deeds are also amplified